You Are Not Who You Used to Be: On Outgrowing Our Past Selves

At some point, many of us find ourselves haunted by a version of who we used to be — things we did, words we said, people we hurt, or choices we wish we could undo. These memories often surface uninvited, carrying with them waves of guilt, shame, and inner conflict.

It’s easy to hold ourselves hostage to the past, to judge the person we once were with the

knowledge and growth we’ve since gained. But this kind of harsh self-reflection can distort our healing and stifle our progress. This is where self compassion therapy becomes a crucial part of the healing journey.

How to Stop Judging Your Past Self with Compassion

The urge to harshly judge your past self is common—especially for those doing the hard work of reflection and personal growth therapy. But hindsight is not the same as failure. You weren’t working with the tools or self-awareness you have now.

Therapy for guilt and shame often begins by helping clients explore the context of past

actions—not to avoid accountability, but to humanize their younger selves. This shift can be

powerful. When you judge who you used to be, ask instead: What did I need that I didn’t have back then? What survival strategies was I using to get by?

When Past Mistakes Haunt You, You're Not Alone

We all have chapters we wish we could rewrite. Whether it’s a relationship we mishandled,

boundaries we didn’t set, or a version of ourselves we no longer recognize, regret can feel

heavy.

In therapy for regret, we often explore how this feeling is less about what happened—and

more about what it meant to us. Regret can be a sign that growth has already taken place. It

shows that your values have shifted, that you would choose differently now.

When other people hold our past self hostage, it's often from a point in time when they had the most control or influence over you (something to think about).

Letting Go of the Past to Make Space for Growth

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means releasing the idea that you have to carry old

stories, old identities, and old judgments with you forever. In letting go of the past through therapy, clients often begin to feel a sense of relief they didn’t know was possible. It’s not about pretending the past didn’t happen—it’s about not letting it define the rest of your life.

Psychotherapy Toronto offers a space where you can safely unpack old memories, reframe

how you see them, and move forward without carrying the same emotional weight.

Growth Is Quiet—and Real: Therapy for Emotional Growth

We tend to associate growth with big, visible changes—new jobs, relationships, breakthroughs. But most therapy for emotional growth happens quietly. It’s found in how you respond to triggers, how you speak to yourself, how you hold boundaries.

Growth can mean:

● Pausing before reacting

● Saying no when you used to say yes

● Choosing peace over reactivity

● Being kind to your inner critic

Every time you act differently than you would have in the past, you’re honoring the version of

you who wanted to change.

You Don’t Have to Be Who You Were—Personal Growth Therapy Makes That Possible

Change is not only allowed—it’s inevitable. You are not the person who made that mistake, said that thing, or stayed too long. And you don’t have to carry their shame forever.

In personal growth therapy, we help you:

● Understand how the past shaped you

● Identify what no longer fits

● Practice new ways of being

● Forgive yourself, slowly and authentically

We also explore identity shifts—who are you becoming? What values are emerging now that

weren’t accessible before? Self Compassion Therapy Makes Room for the Present

You are allowed to be someone new. But to step into that version of yourself, you need to

release the idea that your past defines your worth.

In self compassion therapy, we guide clients through:

● Developing an inner voice that’s more supportive than punitive

● Releasing perfectionism

● Creating rituals for healing and forgiveness

● Reclaiming self-trust

When we stop fighting our past, we finally make space for our future.

Final Thoughts: Growth Is the Truest Form of Strength

You are not your lowest moment. You are not the worst thing you’ve ever done. You are not

stuck in who you used to be. You are someone who is trying. Learning. Changing. Healing.

Let’s stop defining ourselves—or each other—by our past. Let’s define ourselves by the effort it takes to grow.

Need Support in Moving Forward?

If you’re tired of being defined by your history and ready to create something new, Toronto

Psychotherapy Space is here to support you. We offer individual counseling, therapy in

Ontario, and tailored approaches for those struggling with shame, regret, and the weight of

who they used to be.

Book a free 20-minute consultation with one of our compassionate therapists and start

exploring whether self compassion therapy, therapy for emotional growth, or

psychotherapy Toronto is right for you.

You don’t have to carry it alone.